just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
how does that bad decision feel?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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