Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
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What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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