thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
