found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
