Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
