i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
