There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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