Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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