im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
