True but thats because hes a fetus.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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