I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
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