my vag is so smooth its legendary
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
