my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
