If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
