So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
please come you make the beer taste better
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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