I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
