chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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