Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
