You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
