i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
