You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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