Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
