Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
