I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
