If that was your dad, he is hot
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
