Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
