somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
