break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
When are your genitals available?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
