True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
