Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Randomize
