you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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