Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just want to make out with him forever
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Randomize
