So gin and wine won't be happening again
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
