I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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