we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
