I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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