ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
