i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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