Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
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Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
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Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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