so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
