Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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