it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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