I'll bet she douches with gravy.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
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