why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Shame - the story of my life.
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