every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
