if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
