I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
