My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
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It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
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did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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