Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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