I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
