Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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