Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
