Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
