I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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