I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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