just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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