A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
