oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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