God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
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On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
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Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
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