Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
