...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
