so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
