i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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