This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
