So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
love makes seman taste better
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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