i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
