dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
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His hands were made for my vagina.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
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Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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