I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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