You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
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