So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
