I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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