he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
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Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
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