There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
