I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
