how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
