That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
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I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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