I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
