It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
