"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
