I just made out with a guy for $7.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
