I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Im part way to drunk.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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