She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
