there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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