I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
